I don’t want to live my life without leaving a footprint – whether it’s for my parents, my friends, for my own family (if I have one) or simply for the world. I’m not here to write how ‘I want to save the world’ because I don’t – we live in a world where Trump got elected so I don’t think I can save idiots but I still want to do something with my life.
My life constantly is filled with self-evaluatons and I keep asking myself if I’m good enough. Am I good enough for my family? Am I good enough for my friends? Am I good enough for the career I want to pursue? Am I good enough for a man to consider me attractive? Am I good enough for yoga? Am I good enough to lift 50 pounds? Am I good enough to balance my studies with work? Am I good enough?
This uncertainty and lack of confidence that surrounds my life somehow brings me the certainty of moving on and the push one needs to keep going. Funny, isn’t it? How can something so uncertain bring you to certainty? How can being not sure about the future and where you want to go in life somehow feel comfortable?
I know what my goals are in life however, they keep changing constantly. At first, I wanted to become a doctor. After starting my bachelor’s, I quickly realized I hated medicine, everyone related to it, and needed to get out ASAP. Later, I really fell in love with social media and marketing. Then, I got into politics and the nation diaspore work. I loved that too. Currently, I’m aiming for law school yet I’m thinking about opening a business. I’m thinking about the government. I’m thinking about expanding something original.
When someone asks me what I want to do with my life, I gently answer ‘a human rights lawyer’ yet I leave out the rest. I want to do a lot of things yet here I am, thinking how turned off that person would become when he/she hears about my uncertainty. Yet, that’s not how it is. Uncertainty is beautiful and powerful. Uncertainty is what brings the hardships that will lead to success.
Am I happy where I am? No. Am I complaining of my position? No. I’m enjoying myself being lost because once I find what I want to do with my life, I know I’ll never get it back. Once you get out of the maze, you’ll never have a chance to relive those “wall-smashing” mistaken moments, you won’t be able to turn around and enjoy the confusion and the stress.
So, what do you want to do after you graduate?
Take over the fucking world.